Summer Reading Challenge

When we first moved to this new town we made time to all go to the library together. What a BLESSING! It was the start of a beautiful love affair for me and Evey. Andrew hasn't used his all that much but he doesn't really have time to go. When we got our library cards the clerk also handed us information about the summer reading challenge for kids.I didn't think we would do it at first, but Evey was really excited. Next time we went to the library I asked what the limit for check outs was and she said NONE! I put a limit at 7 books, because I thought that was plenty for 3 weeks, but that rule has flown out the window!

Right now, we have 28 books checked out, and only one of them is for myself. Many are up in her room because that's the easiest place to put them after we read them at bedtime. They will all make their way there before we return them all, but after they first come home they have to go on the third shelf of the bookcase or Edward will GET them! He LOVES books too! Although he is very good with them, for only being 15 months, if he has an accident and one rips a little he will continue to pull because it makes a fun sound!

So the reading program works like this; a bubble is filled for every 15 minutes of reading time. This can be anything from reading a book to her just looking at one on her own. At 6 hours she got a little toy, at 12 hours she got a coupon for a little ice cream

at a local parlor, the 18 and 24 hours are $5 gift cards at Borders Books! I have slacked on keeping up with it and the deadline is next Saturday, so we are going to be reading like crazy until then. Last night Andrew started teaching her to read, and she did well, but she's more interested in writing, so I counted all that time they were working and the time I read to her during the day and before bed.

Fancy "Dancy"

She means, Fancy Nancy, but for whatever reason Evey calls her Fancy Dancy. Fancy Nancy is a series of books we love.Most are the "I Can Read" format, which make for great bedtime books. Nancy is a precocious [that's a fancy word for very mature] little girl that loves to use her extensive vocabulary to describe her affinity for all things fashionable, flashy and... fancy, of course. Sometimes she throws a French word around, but usually just uncommon descriptive words to express herself. After she uses a new word she says, "that's a fancy word for..." I love the whole premise of the books, but what caught MY attention at the library was the colors and illustration, little did I know it was the start of a new friendship for my daughter!

My Role Model

Laura Petrie

I watched 'The Dick Van Dyke Show' on Nick at Nite when I was a preschooler, and thought she was wonderful. Whenever I think about her today, I still think she's wonderful. I remember she wore her house dresses with pearls when sending Rob and Richie off in the morning, then wore her Capri pants so she could dance and entertain her guests at the evening dinner parties. She was a loyal friend, to Millie, though most times Millie caused her troubles. She was patient with her son, Richie, and always met her husband with a kiss. She was gorgeous, intelligent, talented, and funny. I know her character wasn't perfect. She had times she got jealous, worried, over sensitive and fed up, but she always expressed her apology when she realized she was in the wrong. She loved her family, she loved her life, she loved herself!

Bipolar me...

We've celebrated birthdays; we've been sealed in the Boston Temple; we've laughed until we cried and cried until we laughed. We've also moved to a new town! New church, friends, budget, shopping malls... seems everything possible has changed. The one thing that has not changed is our love for our Heavenly Father and each other.

I know more today than the day I got baptized, almost ten years ago, that Christ lives and Heavenly Father is the Master of all things. I have learned more in the past year and a half about myself, my past, and my future than I ever tried to discover as a selfish person. The selfish side is not completely gone. I struggle to leave the computer and go do housework, but I'm better than I was in the past. I'm pleased with the journey I'm on, my destination ahead, and even content with the forks in the road behind me. I still have justification to sit and point out all the things wrong with me and how I wish I was better, but the Spirit of God can't be with us when we are thinking and feeling those things. At times the spirit has been my only defense, a weapon I can't afford to lose.

So, I have even more hobbies and desires than ever before. I don't know if it stems from the bipolar chemicals, and I don't try to figure it out anymore. Whether it is me, the spirit, or the bipolar, it's under control. I have had some frequent restless nights because I can feel my brain buzzing with ideas and linking those ideas to others. I have tried keeping journals by the bed to write things down at night as they come to me but it always upsets me when I read them after a time to sleep. They either don't make sense, or seem not nearly as groundbreaking and wonderful as the night before. I'm still easily discouraged most of the time. If something doesn't work the way I had planned I am easy to drop it and come back to it later. So what is it that keeps me up at night? Most of them, not important to anyone but me, others affect us as a family, and still others are my ponder-ings on the scriptures and the mysteries of God's plan and wisdom. I used to think He was a manipulative God that used humans as his playthings for his entertainment. I guess much like the character Q, on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Of course He is NOT like that. He's not remotely controlling, but as any good parent knows, you have to give your child rules to keep him safe and ultimately happy, and when your child decides to ignore you and eat all the cookies in the cookie jar the child has to endure the tummyache that results from his choice.

Well, this was supposed to be a "fun" post with pictures and descriptions of my latest hobbies and interests, like sewing on my new-to-me 1974 sewing machine, painting with fine art materials, hunting down deals at thrift stores, yard sales and on craigslist. Along with my old favorites; photography, traditional art, and digital art. I haven't done any scrapbooking, which weighs heavy on my conscience because I know a lot of money is tied up in my supplies and I'm not using it. When I think of selling any of it I tell myself, no, one day I WILL start it again.

I took a couple of weeks last month to do nothing but pray and study the scriptures. It was a rejuvenating experience. I still lost my patience with the kids at times, but often I would stop myself and try hard to parent AND keep the spirit close. I did well on days I put forth the effort. After, what I like to call, my "facebook fast" I have noticed most days I don't stand a chance without praying and reading at least a chapter. It helps tremendously that I am a primary teacher now, so I have to study at least for the topic of the week's lesson. Well, I'm about to fall asleep, so here are some pictures of the pillow I made for Bugg yesterday.

It warms me to know that he doesn't know or care that the stitches are crooked, or that the stuffing was the kind for dolls and not pillows so it's a bit lumpy in spots. He does know that his favorite baby blanket is now a big, comfy pillow. And his Mommy made it just for him. Next... Evey's pillow. I felt bad about using all the stuffing for his but I will make it up to her... when we get some wiggle room in the budget at least.

Dear Blog,

I want you to know you have been a great friend through everything. Always there when I needed to get my head together, or just listen to my excitement. You never told me to stop talking or interupted me. You're really great. I'm sorry I've neglected you, but we both knew this relationship wasn't exclusive. When we first started out I was young and naive. I thought I'd have time to write every week, and for a awhile, I did. I miss you, but it's unfair to leave you hanging like this. Now that Edward is only days away from being 6 months old he needs more interaction from me. I can't just keep him in his swing all day. He needs me more than you do, so this is why I'm breaking things off. Maybe sometime in the future we can start back up again, but for now there are many other things going on. Christmas is around the corner and I have to make decorations and ornaments to make this year special instead of being depressed all our old stuff was lost in the fire. I'm sure you understand, you always do.

Love,
Tiff

random complaints and thoughts [nothing important]

i think satan is trying to get to me. i feel like i have no energy what so ever. nothing has changed really. but edward has become soooo clingy! i can't even put him in his swing and him go to sleep anymore. that was my saving grace. i could put him in the swing and get things done. now... i'm lucky to get to eat. i usually sit at the computer and have to hold him too. right now he's fussing in his swing and i'm trying to ignore him so he'll get the idea he can't be with me alll the freakin time! it's hard to hear him cry though. but i know, eventually, he'll get so sleepy he won't be able to keep from sleeping. unless he works himself up so much he starts screaming.



i'm sooo very much dreading tomorrow. the very idea makes me want to go back to bed and hide under the covers. i'm still a little scared the dr misdiagnosed and the ultrasound will show cancer. but the part that i'm really dreading is the rushing. joy school/Audrey's bday [party] is tomorrow before my appointment. after my appointment i have to run to therapy. if i go to walmart today than i won't have to tomorrow but prolly not gonna make it so i'll have to go tomorrow after Debra's. then friday my sweet friend Bonnie is coming over to prep me for the Temple. then we have to jump in the car and drive to georgetown [an hour away] to meet the stake president for our Temple reccomends. then SATURDAY! i'm getting nervous. i keep having bad thoughts, like doubting if this is the right thing to do... or am i sure i'm ready, and worthy.. what if i "bipolar out" and can't handle it? maybe i should wait until edward is older. i have three days to prep him for taking a bottle and being without me for a WHOLE day. yep, dropping them off at another Church family's home around 10 am and won't be back until at least 5:30pm. i'm so worried the family won't be able to get him to eat or sleep or stop screaming. and evelyn. she has never stayed with anyone other than family or audrey's parents, but audrey's parents are going with us.

God is Good

This past Thursday I found myself in every woman's nightmare. No, I wasn't naked in public or in my high school math class without my homework. I was about to nurse my 5 month old son when I felt a lump. I'd never noticed it before, and it was not just another milk duct, this was a "lump." Girls have been warned about this ever since that first health class back in 7th grade. I feared the worst possible scenerio EVER. I searched the internet with every wording I could think of, "lump in breast while lactating" "hard, painless lump in breast" The websites were helpful to give me some ideas of what it was NOT, but nothing concrete really. Friday I was told my family doctor could not see me until Monday. MONDAY! I had to sweat this all weekend!! I couldn't help but be miffed. I had the attitude of, "I bet if it was HER breast she would work things around to be checked out the same day." Despite the inconvenience, life went on. I held together fairly well, but was easily stressed and grouchy. So was Andrew, for that matter. Sunday was the best I could ask for. We both got our Temple reccomends and made plans with bishop to enter the Temple, for ourselves, this Saturday. He even called the Stake prresident to move up our interviews with him, otherwise they weren't going to happen until next week. Now we need to call and clear it with the Temple. Today it was closed. It's very, very sad when attendance is so low they must close the Temple down half the time. Tomorrow Andrew will be calling to set the appointment, so we are [still] praying things will work for this Saturday. So far so good though!
Today I was very nervous. More nervous than ever before. Going into the doctor's made me feel like I was in some Lifetime Network movie. The leading character was about to be told she has cancer and the rest of the movie follows her heroic "battle" to live.
Thankfully, it did NOT go that way. Yes, something is there. It is not my imagination, nor a clogged milk duct like many people told me. It's actually a good thing this has come to my attention, and I have not ignored it. I go on Thursday to get an ultrasound. I'd never heard of a breast ultrasound, but apparently mammagrams are worthless for women under 55 or some arbitrary age, so this is the next step. From what he could tell by just feeling, it is not cancerous, but could be a benign tumor that will need to be removed sooner or later. He believes it is fibrocystic related, and has nothing to do with nursing. So that's where we are at.