i think satan is trying to get to me. i feel like i have no energy what so ever. nothing has changed really. but edward has become soooo clingy! i can't even put him in his swing and him go to sleep anymore. that was my saving grace. i could put him in the swing and get things done. now... i'm lucky to get to eat. i usually sit at the computer and have to hold him too. right now he's fussing in his swing and i'm trying to ignore him so he'll get the idea he can't be with me alll the freakin time! it's hard to hear him cry though. but i know, eventually, he'll get so sleepy he won't be able to keep from sleeping. unless he works himself up so much he starts screaming.
i'm sooo very much dreading tomorrow. the very idea makes me want to go back to bed and hide under the covers. i'm still a little scared the dr misdiagnosed and the ultrasound will show cancer. but the part that i'm really dreading is the rushing. joy school/Audrey's bday [party] is tomorrow before my appointment. after my appointment i have to run to therapy. if i go to walmart today than i won't have to tomorrow but prolly not gonna make it so i'll have to go tomorrow after Debra's. then friday my sweet friend Bonnie is coming over to prep me for the Temple. then we have to jump in the car and drive to georgetown [an hour away] to meet the stake president for our Temple reccomends. then SATURDAY! i'm getting nervous. i keep having bad thoughts, like doubting if this is the right thing to do... or am i sure i'm ready, and worthy.. what if i "bipolar out" and can't handle it? maybe i should wait until edward is older. i have three days to prep him for taking a bottle and being without me for a WHOLE day. yep, dropping them off at another Church family's home around 10 am and won't be back until at least 5:30pm. i'm so worried the family won't be able to get him to eat or sleep or stop screaming. and evelyn. she has never stayed with anyone other than family or audrey's parents, but audrey's parents are going with us.
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