We've celebrated birthdays; we've been sealed in the Boston Temple; we've laughed until we cried and cried until we laughed. We've also moved to a new town! New church, friends, budget, shopping malls... seems everything possible has changed. The one thing that has not changed is our love for our Heavenly Father and each other.
I know more today than the day I got baptized, almost ten years ago, that Christ lives and Heavenly Father is the Master of all things. I have learned more in the past year and a half about myself, my past, and my future than I ever tried to discover as a selfish person. The selfish side is not completely gone. I struggle to leave the computer and go do housework, but I'm better than I was in the past. I'm pleased with the journey I'm on, my destination ahead, and even content with the forks in the road behind me. I still have justification to sit and point out all the things wrong with me and how I wish I was better, but the Spirit of God can't be with us when we are thinking and feeling those things. At times the spirit has been my only defense, a weapon I can't afford to lose.
So, I have even more hobbies and desires than ever before. I don't know if it stems from the bipolar chemicals, and I don't try to figure it out anymore. Whether it is me, the spirit, or the bipolar, it's under control. I have had some frequent restless nights because I can feel my brain buzzing with ideas and linking those ideas to others. I have tried keeping journals by the bed to write things down at night as they come to me but it always upsets me when I read them after a time to sleep. They either don't make sense, or seem not nearly as groundbreaking and wonderful as the night before. I'm still easily discouraged most of the time. If something doesn't work the way I had planned I am easy to drop it and come back to it later. So what is it that keeps me up at night? Most of them, not important to anyone but me, others affect us as a family, and still others are my ponder-ings on the scriptures and the mysteries of God's plan and wisdom. I used to think He was a manipulative God that used humans as his playthings for his entertainment. I guess much like the character Q, on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Of course He is NOT like that. He's not remotely controlling, but as any good parent knows, you have to give your child rules to keep him safe and ultimately happy, and when your child decides to ignore you and eat all the cookies in the cookie jar the child has to endure the tummyache that results from his choice.
Well, this was supposed to be a "fun" post with pictures and descriptions of my latest hobbies and interests, like sewing on my new-to-me 1974 sewing machine, painting with fine art materials, hunting down deals at thrift stores, yard sales and on craigslist. Along with my old favorites; photography, traditional art, and digital art. I haven't done any scrapbooking, which weighs heavy on my conscience because I know a lot of money is tied up in my supplies and I'm not using it. When I think of selling any of it I tell myself, no, one day I WILL start it again.
I took a couple of weeks last month to do nothing but pray and study the scriptures. It was a rejuvenating experience. I still lost my patience with the kids at times, but often I would stop myself and try hard to parent AND keep the spirit close. I did well on days I put forth the effort. After, what I like to call, my "facebook fast" I have noticed most days I don't stand a chance without praying and reading at least a chapter. It helps tremendously that I am a primary teacher now, so I have to study at least for the topic of the week's lesson. Well, I'm about to fall asleep, so here are some pictures of the pillow I made for Bugg yesterday.
It warms me to know that he doesn't know or care that the stitches are crooked, or that the stuffing was the kind for dolls and not pillows so it's a bit lumpy in spots. He does know that his favorite baby blanket is now a big, comfy pillow. And his Mommy made it just for him. Next... Evey's pillow. I felt bad about using all the stuffing for his but I will make it up to her... when we get some wiggle room in the budget at least.
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