Baby steps

My babies are growing right before my eyes. Edward is 12 weeks old, and next month Evey will be THREE years old!!! It's craziness. I have five weeks to pull some kind of party plans together. I've been to familyfun.com and while it's a great site things are a little too... involved for my schedule. Though there are some great ideas I will prolly use in some shape or form. As much as I'd love to have a princess theme I want to invite little boys too, so I think I'm going with Sesame Street, or Blue's Clues, or Madagascar even. One of the things I did yesterday was go to the party store to see what they had I can work with. One of the other things I did was meet with other mommies from the Church for a playdate! I had been looking forward to it since it got rained out a couple of weeks ago. So Sunday I was informed it was planned again. We were half an hour late getting there, but my kids were bathed and looking spiffy ((I was a diff story)) Though I should have known Evey was going to get dirty right away anyway. It was such a good feeling to sit with women and talk, even if it was about spit up, potty training, and tempertantrums, it was a social experience. I can't pinpoint when it happened, but at some point in the past 5 years I had become so socially inept I would have a panic attack even thinking about being in such a social setting. Being around people and making small talk was a slow torture I avoided at all costs, I only wanted to be home where no one was looking at me and judging me. I had created a prison for myself that I was more comfortable in than the "real world." Then after a specific episode I realized I had a problem and needed help. After a year and a half of therapy, several trials of medications, being pregnant, losing every worldly posession in a house fire, and delivering a healthy baby, I'm back on the road to being my true self. And it's the most wonderful I've felt in my whole life!! I'm no where near "cured" but I'm stable, and productive, and positive about tomorrow. I no longer dread the morning when I have to get up, I look foreward to it! I dread the night when I have to sleep! I'm dog tired at the end of every day, don't get me wrong, but there is so much I want to do in one day I'm grateful for the next to continue life. So now I can anticipate [most] social activities and not make up excuses to get out of them. That's a big deal for me, it's a actually a BIG step, but I got there by taking baby steps.